Avoiding Common Divorce Pitfalls

Going through a divorce can be complicated, time-consuming, and emotionally taxing. But making big mistakes during the process can only worsen things. To make the process smoother, it's important to be aware of the most common mistakes people make during divorce and how to avoid them.

Letting emotions take over: It's normal to feel hurt, angry, and overwhelmed during a divorce. However, allowing your emotions to control you can lead to further conflict and prolong the process. It's important to keep a rational and calm perspective. A therapist or counselor can help you manage your emotions and make informed decisions.

Going through it alone: Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster. You will need a support system to survive the ride. Consider a which friend(s) would be most supportive and ask for help. Also, an experienced therapist can give you great guidance and be a patience listener. Also, divorce law is complex, so it's important to have qualified legal counsel. Attempting to handle the process on your own can result in costly mistakes. Hire an attorney who is dedicated to your case and can communicate well with you.

Refusing to communicate and cooperate: While it may be difficult, communication and cooperation with your soon-to-be ex are crucial for reaching a reasonable settlement. Open communication and a willingness to work together can prevent a court case and lead to a mutually satisfactory outcome.

Using the divorce process to punish: Don't use the divorce process to seek revenge. This will only prolong the pain and increase costs. Keep your emotions in check and focus on collaboration for a fair and balanced settlement.

Rushing: On the other hand, don't rush through the process. A divorce in California takes at least six months by law. Use this time to sort through all the details and reach a satisfactory settlement. Don't make hasty decisions that you'll regret later.

Failing to plan for your financial future: The division of assets and debts is only the first step in preparing for your post-divorce financial life. Budget for expenses for two households, new health insurance, and tax implications. Seek advice from an accountant or financial planner to ensure you don't miss critical details.

Not being honest: Your therapist, friends, accountant, lawyer can only work with the information you provide. The more you are willing to share with people on your side, the better off you will be in the long run.

Over-involving children: Your children are already dealing with a challenging situation, so don't use them as intermediaries or badmouth your ex. Over-sharing can damage your relationship with the child and hurt your custody case.

Dating too soon: While it's natural to want to move on, getting involved in a romantic relationship before the divorce is finalized can cause problems. It can inflame resentment, make negotiations more difficult, and confuse your children. Wait until the divorce process is over before starting a new relationship.

DIVORCE RECOVERY

Divorce is one of the most stressful and painful life events that a person will ever experience. Even when accompanied by good reasons or positive feelings, it is still the death of a dream and the end of one’s hope for the relationship. Whether the ending is sudden or anticipated, the wound can be deep. Divorce counseling can help individuals cope and move past a divorce.

OVERWHELMING GRIEF & FEAR

The grief that arises is often overwhelming. Sometimes accompanied by anger or other feelings, grief can be expressed in various areas of life. A person might experience loneliness, anxiety, or fear. Individuals typically also feel physiological effects of divorce, such as significant muscle tension and an increased likelihood of physical illness.

Once a person is no longer part of a couple, fears about finances, relationships, and even questions about identity can surface. Those going through a separation commonly experience disturbances in sleeping, eating, and the ability to focus.

CLEAR PATH TO HEALING

I offer divorce recovery counseling that will chart a path to divorce recovery and help you to:

Understand the breakdown in your marriage
Establish a productive and civil relationship with your Ex
Vent your feelings in a safe and healing environment
Shift your negative beliefs and perceptions about your divorce
Re-structure and rebuild your new life
Manage your outer world while you deal with your inner world
Learn and grow from your experience of divorce
Divorce with integrity
Find the best ways to support your children
Be an effective single parent
Let go of the past and create a better future

SURVIVING TO THRIVING

The divorce recovery process will enable you to move from simply coping and surviving to leading a life in which you feel empowered, fulfilled, and independent, and are involved in relationships that are enriching and loving. I often work in conjunction with group-based Divorce Recovery programs.

An important role that I play as your individual therapist is to help you get “unstuck” so that you can realize your potential. My approach recognizes that an individual who is going through a divorce experiences sadness, self-blame, anxiety, shame, guilt, rage, and a variety of other painful emotions that at times may feel overwhelming.

The goal is not to help you simply suppress or distract yourself from your pain, but to help you work through these feelings so that you can feel free, whole, and in control of your life.